Those eyes could kill me
by x All That Jazz x
Summary: No spoilers for book 7.  Remus has feelings for Sirius but Sirius is in denial and won't admit that he has feelings for Remus. [Slash] [RLSB] CHAPTER 2 REWRITTEN.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hiya this is my first fic so go easy on me. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: What do you think?**

**Chapter 1**

I sat by the Waters edge, in the freezing sleet, blankly staring out on to the lake, the wind causing ripples in the normally calm water. Hugging my knees into my chest I pulled my cloak tighter around me desperately trying to keep warm. It was late autumn and the weather seemed to get more wintery by the day. Within a week the ground will probably be covered in a deep blanket of snow as it is every year.

I could hear someone approaching I turned around sharply to face the direction of the wind. It was Sirius, his Gryffindor scarf hung loosely around his neck. His hair, shinier than usual, had grown another inch longer since term began and was now falling over his stormy grey eyes with casual elegancy; it made him look even more gorgeous, (if that was possible.) As he reached me he muttered a charm to dry the ground and sat beside me.

"Moony, are you mental, sitting out here in this bloody weather?" I turned towards him making eye contact but quickly looked away again. I'm sure those eyes could kill me if I stared into them for long enough. I'm going to have to tell him at some point, I can't stand it anymore. How do you tell someone you like people of the same sex, because I haven't got a clue what to say to him? "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Just thinking, Padfoot, that's all." I replied feebly.

"About your furry little problem?" he added sympathetically.

"Yes… no… sort of," I stammered. I went back to staring out at the lake again feeling slightly nervous in his presence.

"Well you do know you can talk to me about it don't you. About anything." He added. I had to tell him it was now or never.

"Anything?" I repeated dumbly.

"Anything."

"Well it's just that… I need help with my potions homework," Shit, I'm such an idiot the one chance that I get to tell him and I blow it. What the fuck am I going to do now?

"Is that it?"

"Yeah, I didn't really understand what Slughorn wanted us to do."

"No probs I can give you a hand. Now are you coming inside or what I'm freezing my arse off here."

"…or we could turn his hair pink without him realising."

"Prongs, how the hell are we going to do that with out someone noticing until he reaches the Great hall?"

"Good point Pads, I'll look in the Library see if there's a book about it or something."

"Well there might be, take the cloak with ya though, so if you don't find anythin' you can look in the restricted section." James ferreted in his trunk pulling out the silvery cloak before striding over to the door with a mischievous grin he always has when finding new ways to prank Snape.

"See ya later then."

He left the dormitory closing the door behind him. Peter was no where to be found, so it was just me and Sirius. It was a week since my encounter with him by the lake, and this was the first time I had been alone with him. I was curled up on my bed reading Quiditch through the Ages which surprisingly I had never read before.

"Moony." I looked up from my book and saw Sirius staring at me from across the room.

"What's up Pads?" I asked

"I'm bored." He replied jumping on my bed like it was a trampoline.

"Well do something constructive then." I moaned. Slightly annoyed at his childish behaviour, I looked back down to my book once more.

"Like what though?"

"Well you can stop being a pain in the arse for a starter, I'm tryingto read," I snapped. He lay down next to me.

"Alright don't get your knickers in a twist. What is up with you lately."

"What do you mean?" I muttered turning around to face him. We were barely an inch apart from each other. Something stirred in the pit of my stomach, was it really that obvious that something was troubling me.

"Well your not your self, and I've checked the chart, the full moon is too weeks away so don't go making excuses."

I sighed deeply contemplating whether I should tell him about my sexuality but without realising what I was doing I moved forward and my lips met with his gently. For a moment he kissed back. Traces of Butterbeer and Chocolate still mingled in his breath. This was the moment I'd waited for, for two years, I reached for his shirt, he pulled away quickly and stood up with an angry glint in his eyes.

"You disgusting little poof," he spat emphasizing the last word. Striding over to the door and slamming it behind him.

"Well that went well" I breathed. Still at least he knew now.

**A/N well that's it really. I know it was a bit boring but it will hopefully get better. Review please. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/n I have decided that my last chapter totally sucked and lead to writers block so I am rewriting it for the 3****rd**** time.**

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**Chapter 2**

I sat staring out the window looking down on the grounds. A few fellow students were dragging their trunks through the snow, to the carriages, excited to be going home for the Christmas holidays. Sirius was going to stay with the Potters for Christmas and Peter had gone home, so for the first time ever I would be spending Christmas at Hogwarts alone this year. I can't say I'm not glad for my own space for a short while to chill without feeling awkward.

I decided I should write to my parents tell them about being gay. God I'm so messed up. I stared blankly down at the piece of parchment in front of me. I had no idea what to write. Normally talking or writing to my parents was a simple task. They were usually very understanding about my issues, I'm lucky I suppose in a way that I have great parents. If I had parents like Sirius I would probably have been chucked out the house ages ago. I dipped my quill in some ink and began to write:

_Dear Mum & Dad_

_It's really hard for me to write this letter but I thought you should be the first people to know. The thing is I'm gay, that is I have developed an interest in boys. Well one boy in particular. I've let him know but he just pushed me away and refuses to speak to me. He's driving me mad, what should I do? _

_How's Uncle John doing in St. Mungo's? Is he coming out soon? I thought he was coming out of after Christmas. _

_That reminds me, I have enclosed your Christmas present. It's not much but I'm skint. Have a good Christmas._

_Love from_

_Your favourite and only son_

_Remus x_

I'm not sure changing the subject was a good idea but it's the best I can do. I picked the package with a box of Honeydukes chocolates inside and walked to the Owlery.

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I chose one of the Hogwarts Eagle owls with deep grey eyes which reminded me a bit of Sirius's. I carefully tied the package and letter to its leg and watched it fly out of the Hogwarts grounds until it was a tiny speck.

I wonder what Sirius is doing now. He's probably having a great time at James's house, finding new ways of pranking and flirting with Mrs Potter like he does with every woman a lays eyes on. How could I have even thought Sirius might have thought of me as more than a friend? And I suppose even if he was gay it wouldn't be me he fell for would it? It would be James. But I'm going to stop moping about like a wounded puppy and have a Christmas without Sirius-related thoughts.

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**After Christmas **

I was sitting in one of the Red leather armchairs dreading the moment when Sirius clambered through the portrait hole still in the festive spirit but completely ignoring me.

And sure enough it opened and he clambered through with James and Peter in his wake. I sunk lower in to the armchair as they walked in my direction.

"Moony, have you missed me" James shrieked jumping on me and tickling me senseless. God, he's so immature.

"James, you twat get off me," I giggled pushing him off; he landed on the floor with a 'thud.' I looked up at Sirius who had gotten even more gorgeous since I last saw him. He looked at me as if something disgusting was growing on my face before turning around and striding up the staircase.

"Don't worry mate, what ever you and him have had an argument about I'm sure he'll come round."

"I certainly hope your right prongs… I really do."

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**A/N Well I think that is better than last time I don't know. Please review though let me see what you think. Bye bye :-)**


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